Burning Memories

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I have been contemplating lately what is the kindest way to deal with old journals. I have a stack of them littering my closet. To call them litter, I have to consider what they mean to me. After years of negative self talk and negative interpretations of my experiences, I now feel the need to burn them. Do I burn the aspects of myself they appear to be holding me back from? Is it even viable that keeping them is keeping me heavy and the growth I readily look for light, above my head and out of reach? If that is the case, I want to torch them tonight!! But how do I know for sure? Lyrics and scripture come to my head, ”Bag Lady” or “Let it Go”, “…Building up treasure that rusts and a thief can steal…. ”


When I cut my locks I had the same attachment anxiety. It took a hurtful experience for me to see that I emotionally needed them, along with the memories they held, gone. However gone they are from my head, I’ve held on to them for creative inspiration, making a sort-of sun out of them and hanging them on my inspiration wall. Is this holding me down too? What are they inspiring here?

So what with the journals? I think about being able to reread what has happened and I don’t want to. I think about how I’ve dealt with things in the past, and I am not always proud. I understand the saying “You can’t know where you’re going, unless you know where you came from”, but throughout my ethereal travels, I think I see where I am from just fine, and where I am headed, that is not entirely up to me.

This decision is a blog because I would love feedback, but more importantly, cause I know we are all busy, I blog out of a pure need to confirm for myself as loudly as possible and put into writing, some where I can't take it back, that when I am gone, I will be gone and those that know me will have only that to hold. Holding on to things, does not make you light.

Burning my journals, if this is the way I am going, though I'm still unsure, will leave my son with just his memories and I know what that is like. The clarity of memories, though last longer than people do, fade with time. Would my journals give him something to grasp, some piece of me? Would it even help, especially when, in my here and now, keeping them might be holding me sedentary?

Sat Ra
Namaste.

video of my journals and inspiration wall

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