The Wrong-Right Client Syndrome

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that we all have had the experience of offering our services to someone who was not receptive, someone who we assumed, after the fact, was just the wrong client, the wrong recipient.

We have all at one time or another offered thousands of dollars in energy or time to people who would not catch the ball. But rather, they stood and watched with their arms by their sides as the ball was thrown to them. They are those who let the ball bounce right off their body while they complained that the ball was never being thrown at all.

Think back to a time when you offered something free in which the invitation was unaccepted, or when you, yourself, did not pick up what was freely given to you by another, something you knew could have been potentially helpful to you. What was holding them back? What was holding you back?

We probably have more than one long list of reasons why we did not or do not respond or show up. I am too busy. I am not ready. I am afraid. It’s too hard. I won’t be able to do it. I can’t. That’s not for me. It doesn’t work for me. Not today. Not tomorrow. It’s too much. It’ll hurt. It’s too late. We're in a pandemic. 

Yup, all of those things and more are stories that we have told ourselves that have kept us small. They have kept us waiting to see Source do something in our lives when He already was. He is. Consistently. And in them there is some truth, which is why we stay to listen.

If we are to be honest, those things that were offered to us freely were probably just what we needed in order to see a bigger picture, but we told ourselves we needed to do or be something else, or the circumstances needed to be different, first. This is the real lie.

As a yoga teacher, I can tell you of the countless times people have spoken to me about their can’ts. I can’t do yoga because I can’t touch my toes. I can’t do yoga because I can’t sit still, or I can’t move like that. But this is why we do yoga. We do the practice so that we find more flexibility in and through the things that feel far reaching or impossible.

As an English teacher, I can tell you of the countless times students and parents confronted me about the deeper work of reflection or empathy building through diverse and yet traumatic stories, others and their own, not wanting to do this level of work. They argue that this is too much reality. But this is why we reflect: so as to see reality for what it is so that we can do something in response.

And as a person, I can tell you of countless times that I, too, have missed an opportunity that could have changed my life, waiting for something else that I thought should be happening. Gripped by feeling the impossibility of a task, I did not show up, clinging, replaying, and wholeheartedly believing my list of can’ts.

You can do hard things.

In most cases, there is nothing but you holding you back. And the things we assume will be too hard will not always be such. A jump into the deep end of the pool, with some support, would be a perfect catalyst for learning to swim.

Keep your eyes open. Sometimes, staring at something ordinary brings about extraordinary results. Be open to the possibilities. You’re not the wrong client for this work. It’s not too deep or out of your grasp. And if you're offering services, though you may not be able to convince that client that what you have will be good for them, the seed is planted. And they are certainly the right client, as are you, for the seed, if nothing else. It will be up to us all to water or to uproot.

When I feel pained by this wrong-right client syndrome, I am reminded: this pain is a catalyst for me to use. This pain is not a reason to add to my list of can’ts, but a reminder of all that I can do, for all the ways that I can move on and stop casting my pearls over and over again to those who assume my crystal-offering to be man-made plastic, in their ignorance. Instead, I'll cast and reel and if nothing emerges, I'll use this too, to move on, to get bigger and stronger, and to throw my line further out. 

Though it will behoove us to find the teachers that call us out of hiding, we must open to coming out of the grave, out of the cocoon, out of the cage of our can’ts, regardless of the teacher. May these words be a seed you are willing to grow, a reminder of all that you can do.

Sat Nam, 

Courtney