Living the Whole…

For years, I have been working through a pain in my upper back: the connective tissues of the rhomboids that insert into the scapula. In my inversions, I have noticed my attempt to stay there, to bring my attention to this space and the pain-body that exists there. In downdog, I press into my shoulders more to draw the muscles of the upper back apart, and here, I am able to dig into my hurt. Or, in twists, whenever the shoulder is on the earth, I draw the shoulder joint fanatically into the earth and use gravity to pull the rhomboids apart. Hunching my shoulders up to my ears and rounding the back or a hardy backbend with the scaps depressed into the back and into the belly of the muscle, the heart and throat open, to create the same. 

This pain comes from a variety of sources that I have been able to pinpoint. In pictures of me at a young age, I have held my shoulders cocked or tightly. I took pictures with my head to one side, shortening the length of the antagonistic muscles, unconsciously and habitually. Energetically, this is a result of the feeling of lack in the body: insecurity. I hold stress here, and in the past, I attempted to solve all my problems by caving in, decreasing the function of my spiritual voice, affecting the throat and heart chakra, which is the beginning of expansion into the higher energetic orifices.

I have lived here for awhile. I’d say, without reflection on the fact that all comes when it should, I’ve been here too long. This is the beginning of a journey to feel this pain-body without resistance and expose the root of insecurity, lack of conscious movement in this area and energetic stagnation. I have decided that my work here, as part of a never ending process of mending the body for optimal usage, is to feel the body as a whole, to live in the whole of the body. Interaction with the whole body from core to periphery or extremities, or energetic lengths and depths, will allow for me to expand in a way that is conducive to compassion and to nurturing the body, not beating it up because it feels pain or anything else, for that matter.

I contemplate this act of beating the self down. The truth is I would not do that to a friend. I’d like to say, I would not do that to an enemy, but I am fallible at times. But to a friend, I attempt to open old wounds with utmost compassion, when asked and with respect. I want not to dig into someone’s hurt without regard for their truth. I want not to leave them unsupported in order to go forward. Who would that help?

The support for this expansion is in befriending one’s self. It is using the ability that you have collected, not of your own power, to sit with yourself in loving compassion during the practice of life. During any variety of yoga practice, the practitioner must be able to hold space for the receiver to heal. And from the biggest perspective, God does this for all. Osho says this reliance, friendship, trust… is done through meditation; that meditation is the way, and there has never been another way. So what should we meditate on Osho?

There is no token answer. There is only a silent connection to the whole that facilitates further movement. It is being able to and taking the time to feel the whole body. This happens with continuous practice. Experiencing the body through meditative movement or meditative absence of movement allows one to feel the pain-body, and further and even more importantly, the body as a whole; so trust with Source and understanding of the true self can be assembled and further expansion can be had. 

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu: May all beings everywhere be happy and free….

A Practice Guide: Meditation by Osho

Read by Courtney Rohan